Christmyass Music

Ok, enough with the fucking christmyass music, ok?

The only people who like the stuff are Brown-shoe Republicans, hopeless mopes, and greed-crazed merchants who INSIST upon subjecting everyone who enters their establishment (pity the poor working souls who have to show up and endure 40! hours, or more, of this stuff weekly) to a nonstop bath of this stuff in the faint hope that it will induce one of the stupider lemmings on the shop floor to buy yet another worthless (or, perhaps very expensive, but still worthless when you really think about it) trinket to assuage their year's worth of accumulated guilt over not paying sufficient attention to some schmuck or other who never deserved the first minute's attention in the first place.

It doesn't come any shallower than christmyass music.

Phony, prepackaged emotions, for the emotionally dysfunctional.

Holiday cheer? Fuck you. What's wrong with a little cheer for the other 364 days of the year? Are you such a complete asshole that you actually NEED some kind of aural jumpstart to cause you to be cheerful? If so, you really need to a.) kill yourself right this minute, or b.) go out there somewhere and try to find yourself some kind of a life.

I prefer to be loads of fun most all of the time, thank you. Except for when some idiot with a bogus smile welded to their face INSISTS that I "join in" in all the "fun."

This fucking shit is no damn fun, and anybody with more than two functioning neurons to rub together can attest to that fact. I shall not be obligated to participate in your Cultural Imperialism, and neither shall I dress out for this little P.E. class, coach.

Fuck you.

And fuck your goddamned idiotic music while we're at it here.

If you MUST get involved with this fake shit, at least try to show an atom or three of honest creativity, ok?

I know what let's do, let's see if any of you fucks can come up with some christmyass music on your own. But, in order to keep things on the up and up, and to keep you from just grabbing whatever audio clip-art
pieces you want, and pasting them together, let's see if we can do it without all the prepackaged bullshit.

Go ahead and make your fucking little harmony without the following words:

CHRISTMAS (Don't go giving me any shit over this deletion, ok? Stop and think for a minute about the zillion different ways that rock and rollers have come up with to say "let's fuck" without ever using those actual words. Surely, if your christmyass is such a culturally fundamental deal, then you won't have the least trouble making your happy little song without it).

JINGLE (Nor any variation thereof).


JESUS (I really don't care WHOSE fucking deal this supposedly is. I could NOT care less for jesus, mohammed, allah, or any of the rest of that demented crap. See above re: cultural imperialism).

SLEIGH (I live in Florida where that sort of medieval transportation system is not required and furthermore my idea of a swell time does NOT consist in looking at the ass-end of some smelly horse from close range).

CHILDREN (Nor any variation thereof).

TOY (Not even sex toys).

MERRY (This is a word that NOBODY ever uses. That's because it sounds REALLY stupid. I say let's scrap the motherfucker and be done with it).

SNOW (See above re: Florida. Snow is for people too stupid to move away from unlivable conditions. And then the dumb fucks attempt to convince the rest of us how wonderful the stuff is. Yeah. Right. Sure thing, Bucko.)

Alright. That's enough. Now go and make your little song. And when you're done you can play the damned thing as much as you want.

As long as I'm not around.

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